Oh, For Pete's Sake
by SkyeRose
Summary: Sam came jogging down the hall and thanked the airman before stopping dead in her tracks. The elevator was already occupied. By Pete. And General O'Neill.- My first DeletePete fic! A fun romp that brings you elevators, replicators, Thor, a wedding, a fire, and a Santa-alien! SamJack TwoShot
1. Chapter 1

**Oh, For Pete's Sake**

**Chapter One: The Conversations We Have In Elevators**

**A/N: So this is going to be a fun little jaunt, I hope! A twoshot that has everything you could ever want…okay, maybe not everything. But many things! But the most interesting thing about this story is DUN DUN DUN…**

**It's my first ever DeletePete fic! I've been around for several years, so it really is deplorable that I've never done one. Especially given how you all know how I feel about Pete. Actually, maybe you don't. I think I've only mentioned him two or three times in all my stories combined. So, bottom line, couldn't stand the guy. Not even a little. Though I did like him on that Disney Channel show. And those dog food commercials.**

**Enjoy!**

Pete stood awkwardly in the center of the SGC elevator. Sam had called him down here, saying that she had a surprise for him. He had briefly wondered what that surprise could be; maybe she wanted to take him through the gate somewhere…? Pete shifted; he didn't know how comfortable he was with that.

The airman who had escorted him into the base and, subsequently, the elevator looked back at Pete. The officer was standing at parade rest, but his eyes were wary and Pete got the distinct sense that the man did not approve of his being here. Pete knew he would never fit in here and he wasn't asking to be accepted, but he kind of wished people would stop looking at him like that.

Turning back around, Airman Will Peterson rolled his eyes. He didn't understand why this guy was here, let alone what Colonel Carter saw in him. The day the SGC had learned of Colonel Carter's engagement to this shrub had been a sad day indeed.

Mostly because Peterson had lost quite a bit of money to Nurse Lefkowitz, but still. He did care about the happiness of the two senior officers. And _that _was mostly because they literally held the fate of the universe in their hands a lot of the time. And happy people make happy decisions.

But still. They deserved to be happy.

The airman was jolted from his thoughts when the elevator stopped and the doors opened.

To reveal one Jack O'Neill.

The airman smirked to himself. _This ought to be good…_

….

Jack bounced on the balls of his feet as he waited for the elevator. Two nurses came around the corner, abruptly going silent when they saw him. "Ladies." Jack acknowledged, raising an eyebrow when they stared at him for another moment, before bursting into giggles.

"General." They said from behind their hands before hurrying off down the corridor.

"Women." Jack sighed, shaking his head slightly. "They just keep getting weirder."

Jack turned back as he heard the elevator doors open and promptly felt like someone had punched him in the stomach. The man already in the elevator looked back at him, his expression reflecting what Jack was feeling. The General considered turning around and walking away, but decided he was better than that.

Maybe.

"Pete." Jack smiled as he stepped into the elevator, ignoring the significant look the airman gave him.

"General!" Pete responded enthusiastically. Too enthusiastically.

Peterson grinned internally.

As the doors began to shut, a shout caused Peterson to press the 'Door Open' button.

"Wait! Hold the elevator!" The disembodied voice shouted before its speaker had come into view.

A very familiar disembodied voice.

Ah, hell.

Sam came jogging down the hall and thanked the airman before stopping dead in her tracks. The elevator was already occupied. By Pete.

And General O'Neill.

Double hell.

"Uh, hi, sir. Pete." Sam's deer in the headlights look disappeared as she pulled her military mask over her face. She stepped in the elevator, both men moving aside so that she was standing in the middle. _'Oh God, Oh God, Oh God.'_ Sam's face didn't betray the panicked mantra running through her head. _'Don't panic. It's a short ride. Just four floors and then you're free.'_

Sam jumped when Pete placed his hand on the small of her back. "Oh. Sorry." She grimaced when Pete drew back his hand, doing his best not to look hurt. A flicker of movement to her left told her that the General was doing his best to look away.

Sam watched the red numbers roll by, relieved that there was just one floor to go, when a sudden jolt sent her stumbling to the side, bumping into the General. He steadied her, placing two hands on her shoulders and bracing her back against his chest.

"Airman, report." Jack barked, looking at the young man standing by the number panel.

"I don't know, sir. Looks like a technical difficulty." The airman picked up the black phone. "This is Airman Peterson, requesting service to elevator section C level 18." A pause. "Hello?" He turned to look at the General. "No response, sir." Peterson was about to turn back around when he noticed that Colonel Carter was still leaning against O'Neill, his hands casually resting on her shoulders.

"Um, Sam?" Pete said, looking between Sam and the General.

Jack immediately dropped his hands, instantly missing the contact, while Sam stepped away from him. "Sorry, I fell." Sam said lamely, avoiding eye contact with her fian—Pete. _'Can't even finish that word in your head, huh, Sam?'_ A small voice whispered. Sam tried to ignore what that meant, but it was getting harder and harder to do that.

"Right." Pete glared momentarily at Jack before dropping his gaze.

The airman stifled a delighted giggle. He couldn't wait until he could tell everyone about this. They were going to be so jealous!

"Airman," Sam started, just a bit too loudly. She cleared her throat and continued. "Are you sure the phone isn't working?"

"Yes, ma'am." Just to be sure, he lifted the receiver to his ear again, but was met with only silence. No, wait…he could hear something! It almost sounded like—

"Does anybody else hear that?" Pete scrunched his face, concentrating on the strange, distant sound.

Sam and Jack glanced at each other, identical looks of trepidation crossing their faces. Jack raised his hand to silence Pete as the man made to ask another question. Quietly, he moved to the edge of the elevator and pressed his ear against the cold wall. He only needed a second to confirm what they already feared. Silently, he shot Carter a look and nodded once.

Instantly, Sam pushed forward, dropping to her knees to begin working on the edge of the control panel. "Airman, we need to get those doors open. Now."

**TBC**

**A/N: Please R and R! Part two will be up tomorrow or Sunday!**


	2. Accidentally on Purpose

**Chapter Two: Accidentally On Purpose**

**A/N: Thank you everyone! Here is Part Two!**

**Enjoy!**

"Sam? What is it, what's wrong?" Pete stepped forward, but Jack put a restraining hand on his shoulder.

Before Pete had time to rebuff the gesture, a sharp ping echoed in the little car as the panel came off in Sam's hands. "Nice." Jack murmured, bending to see the inner workings.

"That, uh, that wasn't me, sir. Whoa!" Sam flung herself backwards as two metal pincers came poking through the wires. Pete caught her and they both stumbled back against the far wall.

"Sir, what is it?" Peterson stepped back, pulling out his weapon.

"Replicators." Sam and Jack both answered, nearly shouting over the sudden metallic din. Pete covered his ears and Jack winced, reaching into the small of his back for his back-up weapon. His fingers brushed only skin and he turned his head sharply, trying—and failing- to see his own rear-end. What he did see, however, was the shiny glint of metal in Carter's hands and the sheepish expression that that made her nose crinkle.

"Sorry, sir. Habit." Sam made to hand the weapon back, but Jack waved her off. Spurred on by the discomfort Pete was failing to hide—was it the danger they were facing? Their cavalier attitude? The level of…comfort, perhaps?—he cocked his head and the corner of his mouth quirked up in a smirk.

"You watch." He turned back to the control panel where several more pincers were beginning to rear their ugly heads. "Bare hands."

The quickly smothered laugh made him feel pleasantly tingly. That is, until a sharp pinch on his shoulder, brought him straight back to the present. "Gah!" He reached up and batted at the metal bug, finally displacing it from his shirt, and tearing a nice big hole right through his uniform. His BDU sleeve hung on by barely a thread.

"Is that what I was supposed to watch, sir?" Sam grinned as she slammed the butt of the gun onto the fleeing bug. Pieces scattered as she turned back to her general. He rolled his eyes and ripped the rest of his sleeve off, throwing the ruined material on the floor. Sam quickly turned and smacked another replicator, keeping her eyes off his bicep, for Pete's sake don't look at his bicep…oh. Pete's sake…that was funny.

Sam would have snickered to herself if at that moment, Peterson hadn't raised his weapon and pointed it at the elevator door. She herself had been avoiding firing her gun in the small enclosed space, but had especially avoided the reinforced elevator doors. "No, wait-!" She started, but the next thing she knew she was tumbling to the floor in a dark cavernous room.

No, not a room. "Thor!" Sam clambered to her feet, brushing off her knees and hands.

"Colonel Carter, it is good to see you again." Thor moved a little white stone and the bridge's lights went up. Looking around she saw General O'Neill and Airman Peterson also brushing themselves off. Well, now that everyone was out of immediate danger-

"Good to see you too, Thor." - She could give a sincere nicety.

"Thor, buddy! Right in the nick of time!" Jack jogged up to the little alien, stopping just short of clapping him on the back.

"Indeed, O'Neill." Thor moved another white stone. "I have cleared your SGC of the replicators."

"Just like that?" Jack clapped his hands together and raised his eyebrows, impressed.

"Indeed, O'Neill. To my knowledge, the infestation was small and relatively isolated. No one was injured." The screen in front of Thor winked out as he completed his scans and transports. "I do not believe we have met."

Airman Peterson stumbled forward, eyes unable to stop moving as they traveled around the ship's huge bridge. And what strange technology! The huge window at the front of the ship reflected more stars than young Peterson could ever have imagined. And those white rock-things! What exactly were they?

"Uh, I—I'm Airman Peterson, sir. At your service!" He jumped to attention, completely at a loss as to what else he should do.

All three stared at him in rigid address for a moment before the two most senior officers at the SGC burst out laughing. Nearly doubled over and clutching each others' forearms to help them remain upright. The little alien—Thor—calmly walked around his little podium and stood in front of the airman. "Greetings." Putting his little hand up to his head, he copied Peterson's gesture. "We require little formality here, Airman Peterson."

"Um, yes, uh, sir." Peterson released his stance and felt his cheeks flush from embarrassment. _'Okay, airman, gotta get your cred back. Say something smart.'_ "Sir, uh, sirs. Ma'am." Okay, rocky start. "Do we know where these, um, replicators came from?"

Sam and Jack paused. "That's a good question, airman." Jack turned. "Thor?"

"Yes, O'Neill?"

Jack narrowed his eyes. Though the alien's expression did not change there was something distinctly cheeky about his reply. "Do _you_ know how the replicators invaded my base?"

"I do, O'Neill."

Sam raised her eyebrows and shot Jack a "this ought to be good" look. "And how would that be, Thor?"

Thor paused, hesitated just long enough for the smallest flicker of doubt to burgeon in Sam's mind. "They were a wedding present for Colonel Carter."

"So you got my invite!" Despite her being pleased at this revelation, the little niggling doubt refused to stop niggling.

"Uh, Thor," Jack pulled a face. "You got her replicators? As a present?"

"I was informed that they were dormant. All scans indicated that this information was correct. I believed Colonel Carter would like the opportunity to study this relatively new breed, but I do apologize for this mistake." Thor bowed a little bow. "I will return with a more appropriate gift. Perhaps Airman Peterson will provide me with some insight."

"Oh, I, er," Peterson's eyes darted from the colonel's, to the general's, and finally to the black orbs of the Asgard. "I would be…delighted?" Thor nodded and Peterson breathed an internal sigh of relief. He didn't want to check off "being attacked by aliens" and "pissing off aliens" all in the same hour.

"For the record, fun new ships are always appreciated." Jack bounced on the balls of his feet and grinned. 

"Hey, this is supposed to be my present." Sam raised an eyebrow, but couldn't suppress the smile.

"You love ships."

"We don't need more ships."

"We always need more ships."

Sam turned to Thor and Peterson. "And this is why they never should have made him 'The Man.'"

Peterson resisted the urge to roll his eyes. The two officers were incorrigible. He frowned. Never in his life had he ever used the word incorrigible to describe too older, seasoned Air Force officers. He decided he never would again.

"Well," Jack clapped his hands together and began walking towards the giant window. "As lovely as this has been, we must get back. Thor, I expect to see you at the wedding with all the bells and whistles."

"Am I to bring musical accoutrements? Colonel Carter, you're message said nothing of-,"

"He's joking Thor. Just bring yourself." Sam joined Jack and Peterson at the designated "beam spot."

"Colonel Carter, I don't see how-,"

"Don't worry about it, Thor." Jack stifled a laugh and a groan simultaneously.

"We'll see you there." Sam smiled and gave a little wave.

Airman Peterson waved too, now afraid to say anything that might confuse the little guy. Thor turned his big, black, dubious eyes on him and Peterson had a moment of panic. Could he read minds?! The alien's expression did not change, but the airman quite felt the message in his eyes. _"Duh."_

As Thor moved up to the podium, Jack's forehead creased. "Does anybody feel like we're forgetting something?"

Before anyone could respond, Thor scooched the little white stone and everything went up in a blaze of light. As he returned the humans safely to Earth, Thor breathed a little sigh of relief. As per the tenuous agreements the Asgard kept with several races, he could not directly interfere with anyone's ability to defend themselves and their planets.

Over the last several months, Thor had noticed a weakening in the resolve of Earth—namely in its leader. This would do nothing to help the Earthlings in the coming battles…and Thor knew their greatest war was still on the horizon.

So, it wasn't his fault if a simple "research" offering to Earth had gone awry and dropped real live replicators right into their base. And it wasn't his fault that the felt obligated to help because it was his doing in the first place and killing off the humans would give an unfair advantage to the other races which would be in direct violation of his agreements. _And_, it wasn't his fault that in all the commotion he'd miscounted the humans, but then tried to rectify his mistake, but only ended up erasing one of them from existence.

And then it was only fair to subsequently erase the presence of the fourth one from everyone else on the planet's minds so they would be spared the anguish of the loss.

And what better way than with a celebration? Their minds were already set up for a human joining, Thor had simply just…set the record straight. Made the wedding what it was always supposed to be and not the mess is had turned into.

Really, it was an accidental good deed. Not at all planned.

…

Sam pulled the blanket tighter around her shoulders, trying in vain to shut out the chill of the night air. "Chilly, Carter?"

"Just a tad. You sure you don't want to go inside and put in a movie," She paused, peeking up at him through her lashes. "And then not watch it?"

Jack smirked, blood zinging through his veins. The small campfire they'd lit in their backyard made her eyes smolder as she appraised him. "Why, Carter…are you making a pass at me?"

"I do believe I might be." Sam pushed herself onto her knees and pressed her lips softly onto his, lingering just long enough for him to reach out for her. But she was too quick. Jumping quickly to her feet, she let the blanket slip from her shoulders. She paused long enough to quickly admire the glint of the trinium band he'd proposed to her with in the firelight. He jumped up after her, catching her around the waist before she could make a break for the house.

"Well, soon-to-be-Mrs. O'Neill, I see no reason to walk all the way inside." He nuzzled her neck as she laughed.

"It's cold, Jack." She pushed him lightly away from her. "Besides, I have a surprise for you inside."

"Beer!"

Sam laughed as she hooked her arm through his. "Not quite. It's even better."

"Better than beer?" Jack ran his finger over the smooth band, refusing to let himself get too sappy.

"I know, hard to believe." She stepped inside their cozy cabin and closed the door behind him, leading him towards their bedroom. "And I never said I was taking your last name."

Jack grinned as he kicked their door shut.

….

"No, guys, I swear I'm not lying!" Peterson sat in the commissary practically falling off his chair in his excitement. A bunch of other SGC personnel were gathered around, some listening in from other tables. He was regaling the crazy adventure he'd had with Colonel Carter and General O'Neill the other day, but so far, he was only being met with disbelieving looks and catcalls. "Seriously, there were metal bugs in the elevator, and then whoosh! We're on a ship and there's the cutest little alien who moves rocks on a table and makes things happen! But, also, he can read minds, so be careful what you think."

"You sure you didn't meet Santa Clause?" Sergeant Mellas shouted from her corner table.

"Ha ha." Peterson looked around, trying to find one believer, just one. "Come on, guys! He's gonna be at their wedding, I'm sure!"

"Not sure I'd want a guy who brings metal bugs as a gift to come to my wedding." Another airman muttered.

"He brought them so Colonel Carter could study them." Peterson rolled his eyes; how could they all be so…so…_stupid_.

"Yeah. Okay. Lay off the sauce, Peterson." Someone from R&amp;D yelled and everybody laughed.

"Guys!" Peterson was about to protest when Daniel Jackson walked in, nose thoroughly buried in a book. The airman had been pretty sure all of SG-1 plus the base commander had the night off to prepare wedding stuff, but here the man was, in the flesh. "Doctor Jackson! Doctor Jackson!"

Daniel blinked several times before focusing on the mob that seemed to have gathered in the commissary. "Uh. Hi guys."

"Doctor Jackson, please tell them that I'm not making all this up!"

"Uh, making what up?" Without realizing it, he had taken a couple of steps backwards. He wasn't really hungry anyway, just the midnight munchies.

"About General O'Neill and Colonel Carter and the Santa-alien!" Well, he couldn't possibly have been more clear than that.

"Um, the, ah, what? Oh, um, coming Teal'c!" Daniel backpedaled through the doors, nearly dropping his book in the process. He walked away shaking his head as he heard a fresh gale of laughter erupt at Peterson's expense.

Man. Weddings sure did strange things to people.

**END**

**A/N: Man, I needed to blow off some steam from 'This One Thing.' Hope you enjoyed this silly little twoshot!**


End file.
